You know how some weeks you get the same message over and over again? Maybe you see it on billboards on the way to work, hear it in songs during your day, possibly even people around you are talking about that very same topic… it’s like the universe is trying to tell you something, right?!
Most often it’s something that you MUST start paying attention to, ignore it and you’ll be sorry
That’s exactly what happened to me last week.
It started with a few frustrated clients (2 ladies and 1 man were frustrated with their spouses. Another woman is struggling with her overweight father) They were all super irritated that their loved ones weren’t doing anything to improve their health. For some it was getting pretty serious. One woman’s husband had his second heart attack about a month back and already was back to eating fast food, working long hours and skipping any exercise in his day.
All three clients were exhausted from trying to get their partners to be more healthy.They had tried it all; therapy sessions, nutrition books, workout videos, healthy grocery shopping, hired them trainers, watched every health documentary on Netflix, taken them to yoga and gotten up early for walks. None of this was working for ANY of them. In fact one lady took her dad to Whole Foods and on the way home he asked if they could stop at McDonalds.
Within a couple days, 6 stressed out people had asked me about what they should do to get someone they care about to be more healthy. I promised one person I would come up with a super solid plan for her to start with by Aug 10th.
Once I started working on the plan ( THIS BLOG POST) I realized I was going through the same thing. I was super frustrated with my husband’s food choices. As I started working on this plan I realized I was gonna have to do some work myself.
Now I should say that being frustrated with my husband’s nutrition is nothing new. In fact 14 years ago when we first moved in together, I tried getting him to walk with me in the morning. The first (& only time) we did this he stopped at a coffee shop, bought a mocha and then lit up a cigarette 2 blocks later. No joke
Now, I have to share he quit smoking 8 years ago. He’s lost 70 lbs, walks at least 6 miles a day and doesn’t even drink coffee anymore.
Great, right?!None of this has to do with me. I know that for sure. In fact the more I let go and stopped trying to get him to do stuff, he started doing it on his own.
So why all of a sudden am I frustrated with his foods?
For the past few months the pizza guy delivers at least twice a week, empty bags of Doritos fill our trash and Jiffy peanut butter is happening by the spoonful. Why is this happening, and why the heck can’t I get him to quit these crappy foods? My entire life is based around health and fitness.
This is super frustrating! In fact I full on punched an empty pizza box a few days ago. Then I took my dog and I on a walk. I put in my headphones turned on one of my favorite podcasts. I needed some good vibes and Gabby B does it for me every time.
I turned on her show ( Gabby Bernstein’s Add more ING to your life CLICK HERE to open ) Within 8 minutes she gave me just what I needed to hear.
A slap of reality.
“People are our Assignments, They will keep coming back into your life and give you the same lessons over and over, until YOU do the work needed to move on”
This quote was exactly what I needed to hear. All this forcing and fighting people to get healthier wasn’t working for any of us! I realized that the problem was actually me..and possibly my clients, we had been doing it all wrong. We needed get to work on ourselves for them to work on themselves.
No don’t you worry, this is not some vague, hippy drippy blog post. I’m all about getting and giving exact stuff to work with, just bear with me.
I remembered what got Jimmy to finally drop the lbs, nicotine and fast food. It was 3 simple things!
Then I thought back to what got me to get myself more healthy years ago – SAME 3 things!!
Then I thought back to my biggest success stories with clients I had worked with. The people that had the most awesome transformations followed the Same 3 steps:)
Before we get to these 3 steps. There’s one game changer you can do/ MUST DO right now:
Focus on yourself. The 3 steps will ONLY work once you do this.
My clients and my husband only started changing when I started working harder on MYSELF. When I went back to school for nutrition, upped my certifications, worked super hard on my own health- that’s when they all happened to transform and BE more healthy.
so First DO THIS:
Look at what you can do right now to challenge yourself.
Maybe there’s a half marathon you wanna train for, maybe you wanna do a pull up, try out yoga or stop eating treats after dinner. Heck maybe it’s on a whole different level.. maybe you wanna read more books or actually get to bed earlier every night. Pick one challenge and work on that. Don’t try and reason with this- just do it ( thank you Nike)
My challenge: Get to 3 yoga classes a week, Read for an hour a day and stop eating by 7 PM. All of that is doable, but definitely challenging for me.
What’s yours? Pick it now. Go with your gut and decide, then we can move on
Now, THE 3 steps that will get ANYONE to be more healthy
SILENCE AND SPACE. Everyone around them needs to shut it and back off.
Seriously.. No one can change anyone else, we all know this. This is ALWAYS where things go wrong.
The more you force people, shove info at them and talk AT them, they do worse. Always! It’s exactly why my husband is drowning himself in crappy cheese and going through Jiffy like a pregnant woman. He’s working on opening his own business and I am all up in his grill on a daily basis with questions and opinions. I need to shut my face, listen more and give the dude some space
That’s exactly what I did in our mid 20’s. I stopped pestering him, gave him some breathing room and did more of the stuff I enjoyed (nutrition classes, kettlebell,yoga & hanging out with girlfriends).
One we give people space and understanding, then they can move onto steps 2 & 3. The biggest game changers!
2. A HUGE “WHY”
Everyone has to have a super huge reason to change, your WHY. This has got to be the one thing that makes you do all the stuff you need to do to be everything you really want to be. It’s got to be something that strongly pulls at you, makes you cry and get upset about.
This is not, I wanna look good in a bathing suit, fit in my old jeans or even I wanna feel better. NOPE your why has to be SUPER SPECIFIC thing that slaps the sense into you.
It’s gotta make you get your ass to the gym before it’s light outside, say no to pastries and turn off Netflix earlier.
I know for myself I ONLY did the hard stuff/ stuff I knew I had to do
(dropped the alcohol, sugar, wheat, dairy, picked up more weights, meditated and more time for family)
once I found MY WHY
My nephew, Noah.
He came to live with Jimmy and I after his mother (my sister) suffered a psychotic break and put Noah in serious danger. He had watched her struggle with depression and mental illness his entire life.
The day this photo was taken he floored me with this question:
“Are you gonna get sick and sad too?”
WHOA. that hit me like a ton of bricks. That was the WHY I needed.
I promised him I would do everything I possibly could to keep my brain healthy, stay happy, strong and keep us both safe.
We decided to take control with everyday stuff. Foods, fresh air, exercise, meditation and not stressing out our brains with too much screen time or too much work.
Now, 5 years later, we live within 2 miles of each other and we keep up the same habits. He could back off the screen time, but we both have a freakishly huge WHY.
Only when we find our strong WHY will anyone do what they need to do FOR THEMSELVES.
3. A Support Crew
We all wanna be seen and understood. We’re human!
To actually be able to do the work and keep going you must have the right people and environment. My husband only got healthier when he stopped touring as a bass player in a band, he found some awesome friends that drank less and loved getting together to play board games and cribbage. Yes I was there for him, but one thing that actually gets people to change is them finding their own support crew.
My support crew is definitely my friends from kettlebell and yoga classes.
Ya gotta find your people that Inspire you and motivate you to do more. Jimmy’s got his game night buddies
I have my workout buddies. Totally different Vibes – but they all walk fiercely with strong hearts and clear visions of what they stand for. Some just have more muscles:)
I really hope this helps you today.
People are OUR assignment, we have to wake up and do the work OURSELVES if we want anyone to move forward and be more healthy
-Thank you Gabrielle Bernstein! gabbybernstein.com/
This is what I’m gonna do for my husband
1. Start doing more of what I love
Show them how awesome I feel, from doing stuff for MYSELF. (get to more yoga, create new recipes, read more)
2. Back off and shut up
listen more, let them see what they need to do for themselves and ASK what I can do to help.
3. Find and Stick by my WHY
I actually need to spend more time with Noah, get more strict with my sleep time and stop eating after 7PM.
4. Plug into my Support Crew
Just planned a trip to visit my original crews at
And Fuelhouse in Seattle
I’m also gonna make more plans with my yoga friends and do more workouts with fellow coaches here in Spokane.
What’s your plan?
Leave it in the comments! Can’t wait to hear it